I have been collecting more seaweed. Aside from the manure I've been wheel-barrowing around, Paul and I have forked up five trailor loads from the beach, dropping four of them over the wall into the garden and taking one up to a greenhouse by the old people's home.



You might think you know what seaweed looks like, but I venture to say that until you have spent whole days dealing with it, you will not appreciate its diversity. I can now enlighten you, describing the categories I have found in highly technical terminology:

DRY ROPE: typically wraps itself around driftwood; strong but brittle, and can be persuaded

LECH: clings to heavy stones and will not be pulled away; deceitful, initially very attractive but ultimately a waste of time and energy. Evil.

LASAGNE: thick strips of green sheets; many different shades available; appetising and generally very accommodating

CANCER: sprouts pods and in friendlier climes is known as BUBBLE-WRAP; attempts to pop invitingly squeezable puds however should not be made as the making of satisfying sounds will be declined and the plant will mysteriously secrete a yellow brown colour onto one's hands, reminiscent of shitting animals

SLIME: produces the most crap but looks like it will (black, wet, drippy) so more of a friend than CANCER

Now you know that seaweed is fascinating.