The abattoir rang up yesterday to say that they were having an audit so I can't go. Not happy or sure I believe what they said. Pissed off. I'd already agreed not to take photographs / draw, I just wanted to see. What are they so scared of? Ridiculous. Paranoia, closed-ness; why? I understand, but considering the ignorance of the general public and the delight of the media in sensationalism, wouldn't they want a sensitive, thoughtful artist like me to come along and see. Maybe they didn't like this, my blog. But I wouldn't rip them off. I'd try not to. I think I've been sensitive to Harry and all the other people I've met and written about. I do my best to be honest and open and considerate. Relationships are most important. At what point do you break them, write something someone doesn't want written? In the face of something like this. I don't like being shut out. Especially as I feel I represent anyone who is interested or cares about the subject. It's selfish, ignorant and rude and that makes me cross. People want to know about these things, and deserve to know in ways that aren't the media or the farming industry ranting at them. Not everyone wants to criticise, judge, condemn; but if you act like you've got something to hide then people will.

My only agenda is interest and concern, and care. All I want is to be a bridge, create general love and interest all around between artist, farming industry and public. This would make me and everyone else less cross, and much more happy. Am I being naive?

Damn it's been a shit, a really shit week. Things I can't tell you. Maybe it's a good thing I'm not going.

Damn it.