First electricity moment (although getting it online via internet is the next task...).

Arrival on Friday: I met Alan and Heather and their six year old son Ewan at Mallaig pier. At Eigg we were greeted by people come to help unload supplies (in the winter the ferry comes every other day bringing food, post and other orders for the 80ish people who live here). The ferry's arrival is even more of an event than on North Uist. Alan told me later that you can tell that people aren't coping well with island life when they come down to the pier to meet every ferry.

When Alan showed me into the caravan in which I'd be staying (freezing) and left me there, fully clothed (waterproofs, wooly hat), with a sudden rush of regret and insecurity, I began to know how they felt. I stood there for a long time looking at my face in the mirror, wondering what the hell I'd got myself into. I felt imprisoned by my dependency on the ferry and alone, realising that contact with the outside world would be difficult (no 'phone signal and I had a hunch that internet access was not going to be promising). Oh well, I thought, at least I could watch those DVDs my brother had sent... or not, living in an electricity-free caravan.

This is what I wrote in my diary at that moment:

"I'm in a caravan on Eigg: shit, what have I done... The caravan is rocking, freezing and stinking of gas. It's dark, colourless, brown, a manky orange... 90% incomers: hippies from the north of England with pigtails and waterproof trousers" (I am fairly ashamed by this last bit, but I thought it suitably expressed my mood, condemning and fearful though it is)

Since that first afternoon, I've been feeling a lot better. Working helps. For a start, it's really cold and the only way to keep warm is through a bit of hard graft (more seaweed and manure digging; bit of sowing and so on; feeding hens etc).

The next day, Saturday 10th February I wrote this in my diary:

" - I FEEL MUCH BETTER
- WARMTH IS EVERYTHING
- I HAVE BEEN WEARING THE SAME PANTS FOR THREE DAYS
- THERE'S SOMETHING REALLY MENTAL GOING ON
- SOMETHING HAS SHIFTED NOW I'M WARM
- THE KETTLE WORKS! I JUST MADE MY OWN HOT WATER BOTTLE."

I still find the difficulty of communicating with the "outside world" frustrating, especially when it is actually possible with intermittent broadband, but I've not been off 'working hours' at the same time as both it, and the generator have been on (yes, we have additional electricity issues). There's also a landline in the house, but I can't really express how I feel to anyone within earshot of the people I'm living-ish and working with. Yesterday, Sunday:

"I am feeling extremely ratty about not being able / allowed to go on the internet. And pissed off about my clothes... now I don't know where they are and I have been wearing the same pair of pants for I shudder to think how many days."

So this is it. I can pretend I'm online and that you, whoever you are, can hear my cries for help and attention.